I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
