he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
