I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
