Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
