What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize