i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
