Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
