i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
