Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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