take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I supernannyed him into submission
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
