if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
