Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
