Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
