at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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