I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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