I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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