You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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