i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
