My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize