My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
