i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
