You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
