Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
