I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
