Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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