There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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