Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
