Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
