I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
