Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
