"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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