I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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