College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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