You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
