He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
