What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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