So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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