47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
