Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
high people should be assigned attendants
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
