My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
