I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
