At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
