Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
