my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
