I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
