So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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