thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
