Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
