Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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