Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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