my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
