i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
