I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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