is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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