You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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