he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everyone says I win the strip club
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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