Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
