cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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