Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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