Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
