Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
