Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
