i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
